My spiritual journey began in my late teens, prompted by anxiety, confusion and dissatisfaction.  It was the mid 1970’s…..and I was immersed in waves of social discontent. There was a deep questioning of inherited roles and mechanical ways of being; on a collective level, these desperately needed to be addressed and changed.

As for many people, Transcendental Meditation was a lift off – and within a few years I embraced Buddhism.  My practice began with Soto Zen Buddhism and I eventually dedicated 30 years of sincere practice to Vipassana Meditation, the heart of Theravada Buddhism.  Spirit Rock Meditation Center, in Woodacre, CA became my home, with weekly visits, as well as participation in dozens of 10 daylong retreats. I also attended longer residential retreats (3 months) at The Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, MA. 

Over these years I would “dabble” in the direct path and study with Gangaji, Adyashanti and more solidly, with Toni Packer, founder of Springwater Center located in Upstate NY.  These teachings, interspersed with retreats, opened what I can only describe as a vastness and a taste of true liberation. Yet, in a short period of time, I would return to familiar patterns of mind/ body conditioning, filled with duality.  “I” couldn’t get these wonderful teachings to “stick” and hence doubt slipped in.  It wasn’t until I met Miranda Macpherson and began meeting with her regularly, did these sublime teachings take deeper root – and in a fundamental way change my life. 

What was this change and how did it occur?

Decades of formal meditation on the “progressive path” revealed impermanence on a fundamental level.   What showed up in the mind/ body as I began sitting – be it worry or elation – had little or no relevance towards the end of the session.  Over time, as a sincere, practicing Buddhist, this truth of impermanence penetrated deeply into my being.  Really understanding this had a transformative effect in regards to who I thought myself to be.    As I became keenly aware of the transitory nature of thoughts and feelings, I also couldn’t help but notice the constant, ever present stillness or vastness inside, that never changed. “My self” that was desperately trying to get somewhere on the “progressive path” receded.  

In October of 2016 I had an awakening that lasted 3 ½ weeks.  Two days after returning from the SAND Conference in San Jose, it was morning and suddenly, unexpectedly all thoughts went into abeyance and what remained was stillness, a deep residing stillness.  To best describe this in words, it was an enhanced awareness or presence that was natural, perfect, and included everything. Clarity and knowing was inherent in this awakeness of being.  It would have been ludicrous to wonder what happened, to compare, to go into any thinking whatsoever. It lasted 3 ½ weeks and during that time I told just a couple of very close friends. 

Upon returning to a more “conventional sense of myself”, I have spent the last 6 years integrating what happened. When I say integrating, I don’t mean retrieving what happened, instead simply surrendering and allowing this much larger dimension of who I am, be that.  Words are tricky here…